Pedicabo (Demo, Alpha v.1.9)
A downloadable game for Windows, macOS, and Linux
IMPORTANT: MAC USERS PLEASE SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM OF THE INSTALL INSTRUCTIONS.
Hi there! Are you a fan of witty satirical commentary? Do you like it when jokes tickle your little cunt in a way that makes your hypothetical tail wag? Do you not know what the actual fuck I'm talking about? Good! Come right in and download the white van of video games, Pedicabo (Translating litterally to "Fucktard" in latin)! This is a free demo of a game in development in some 14-year-old's basement/sex torture chamber (It's alright, my five year olds have given me written consent, and spoiler alert, they aren't five years old) by just some dude on the internet. This game, reminder here, might be hilarious, so if you are either boring, or are from tumblr, do feel free to get the fuck out while you still can before you go and write a blog post about me. Also some things you need to know:
-There are 36 fairly dank playable characters, with individual sprites coming soon.
-They are all ordinary MLG Quikscopr just like you, except they get more pussy than you, and they make more money, and oh yeah, some have psychic powers. So I guess they're nothing like you.
-You think my humor is cheap? I had to sell my soul for these jokes, you know.
-This game IS still in development. Report bugs and crashes! I enjoy your rating too, and your donations. I'll take anything. Even gold fillings. Give me your drug money too. I need it more than you.
-Any people who actually exist who appear in this non-fiction work of fiction is completely intentional. You heard me. Fuck. You. Bitches.
That's all you need to know~! Go ahead and have a field day! Thanks for at least reading this! Seriously... like... play the game. Like. Now. Liek. Wat r u waiting for.
Download
Install instructions
WARNING: THIS GAME DOES NOT INCLUDE CERTAIN ESSENTIAL DATA DUE TO FILE SIZE. FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE, HERE IS THE DOWNLOAD FOR THIS DATA IS HERE
For people on Windows and on the Internet for the first time:
-Step 1: Look at the download
-Step 2: Summon all your strength, then push the mouse onto said button.
-Step 3: Click (Push down on the LEFT button)
-Step 4: Wait while you download 4 terabytes of horse porn on top of this game
-Step 5: Open the file and extract it. (Fucking google those terms for once)
-Step 6: Slaughter an innocent child and use their blood to draw an inverted pentagram on your wall. Make sure you have more sacrifices, and candles
-Step 7: Light the candles, then salt and torch those old bones from the last sacrifice, then chant "GABRIELUS-PUSSIUS-WETTUS-DE-TACOUS!" for exactly 69 seconds.
-Step 8: Once you see the G-man from half life (AKA Tony Blair), you did it right.
-Step 9: Grab onto a cross and scream as loud as you can and run to your computer.
-Step 10: Open the game and start playing
FOR MAC USERS: You Mac fuckers are a pain in my ass. And because you're a pain in my ass, you'll have to work around the problem that I'm not a professional coder and I'm most definitely not experienced coding on your shitty platform. So here's what I'm gonna do.
Here is a very simple tutorial on Winebottler:
Here is Winebottler: http://winebottler.kronenberg.org/
What is Winebottler? Is a free program that lets you run Windows apps on your shitty MacOS. Download the windows version of the game, download Winebottler and follow the directions show in the video above. Thank you.
WARNING: THIS GAME DOES NOT INCLUDE CERTAIN ESSENTIAL DATA DUE TO FILE SIZE. FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE, HERE IS THE DOWNLOAD FOR THIS DATA IS HERE
